


Too Close for Comfort

by lonelyhourglass47



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But it's not that graphic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:35:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28486956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyhourglass47/pseuds/lonelyhourglass47
Summary: Levi can't sleep at night. Eren starts hearing someone in distress after everyone has gone to bed. Padding down the hall to help the person happens to be more difficult and complicated than he would have thought, but even as he's facing Levi himself, there might be a chance for the questionable friendship they begin to build to later turn into something more.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is more of an introduction. A little idea popped into my head and I wrote a small scene for it. This fic overall has been one of my favorites to write so far, but I've got some bigger ideas within this fandom that I'll hopefully be able to post down the road once I get to spend more time writing them.

Levi had been held back from sleep once again. Nothing new. The same images of all the horror he had seen and lived through muddling his mind; preventing him from keeping his eyes closed. Every time he’d open them again there replaced his thoughts with a brief fear of an unexpected visit from titans awake at night, but the Scouting Legion’s current headquarters was far from any titan-populated areas. He forced his mind to be blank, wiping the slate clean to start over. Eyes closed. New images of blood, rain, and darkness--no particular details. He stays awake.

Eren had come outside to clean the windows once again, like every third day of each week. The same spray bottle and cloth in his hands waiting to be used together. His eyes wide and intently staring at the glass rather than through it. He cleaned the first window, moved to the left, cleaned the next, and to the left, and the next. He forced his hand to move faster, wiping the surface clean enough for whom he wanted to impress. Eyes still wide. New determination to clean windows like no scout had cleaned them before. Satisfied with his work, Eren moved to the next window to the left yet stopped before he could spray. The clear window taunts him. He peers inside.

Levi sat at his desk in his office, blankly staring at the papers there in front of him. Half-written expedition plans, reports, the same old paperwork. He blinked, and the images came back, blood splattered all across the material and covering the black ink, warm red liquid dripping down the sides of his desk. He blinked again. Nothing out of place.

Eren’s eyes narrowed slightly, shamelessly staring at the back of Levi’s head through the window. Black silky hair with a precise undercut, resting his arms on the wooden desk, scooting his chair out slightly for more space, indulging in the same way he crosses his legs. Leaning forward, Eren’s nose almost touched the glass as he looked Levi over again, appreciating the occasional tap of his foot or the subtle shake of his head. He blinked. The door to Levi’s office opened.

Hanji sauntered in, their eyes immediately trained on Eren’s guilty expression. With a shake of their head, Hanji tore their gaze away and said something to Levi which was inaudible from Eren’s position. He feared that Levi would turn at any moment and catch him there, wondering if Hanji had told Levi that Eren was close behind him. Though Levi never turned, so Eren never left. Only a minute had passed before Hanji turned on their heel and began to leave, and a sigh escaped Eren as he wished he could open the window and talk with the man at the desk. As Hanji opened the door in order to exit, Erwin stood directly on the other side with a hand out as though he was about to turn the knob. With a chuckle he entered and barked something at Levi, who acknowledged him with a slight nod as he leaned back in his chair.

Erwin glanced at Eren. He glanced back at Levi, saying something which Eren couldn’t quite get due to his inability to read lips. He could assume what had been said though when Levi quickly turned around and banged his fist on the window, startling Eren enough that he jumped back and nearly fell into the grass. Because of Levi’s close position relative to the window, Eren did hear this time when he called loudly to Hanji, who was halfway down the hall at that point, “Did you know he was there, shitty glasses?” He only received a distant laugh in response.

Scowling, Levi opened the window and crossed his arms, peering at Eren. The latter shot him a hopeful yet embarrassed smile. “How long have you been there?” asked Levi, to which Eren shrugged. “Don’t look at me like that, it’s creepy as hell. Get back to cleaning.” Before Eren had the chance to say anything, Levi closed the window again and looked at him expectantly. Several moments passed with Eren still standing there frozen before Levi made a wiping motion with his hand, and Eren jumped back to work. Rolling his eyes, Levi turned back around and plucked a piece of paper out of the stack on his desk, reading over the lines of ink.

Eren snuck a few glances at him while wiping the window of any filth, wishing he could do the same to his vivid thoughts. Levi had a certain way about his appearance with his jacket off and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.


	2. First Nightfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Levi is stubborn and Eren shows his compassionate side. Visiting Levi at night will be difficult at first.

Eren wasn’t particularly known for his incredible hearing, though he wished he was. Late one night as the moonlight shone through his curtains, he awoke to distant, almost inaudible sounds of distress. Pushing his curiosity away, Eren attempted to close his eyes and sink back into slumber, but as the sound recurred every few seconds he found that he couldn’t. By now he knew he would feel guilty for not at least going to see if whoever was making the noise was alright. Not everyone should have to fight their battles alone. Hell, Eren felt as though he had to repay nearly everyone he knew somehow for protecting him over and over again during missions.

So with that, he sighed and left his room, walking barefoot down the halls, winding through corridors as he searched for the source of the sound. The closer he got, the clearer he could hear, and soon he realized that the sound was in fact someone crying. He took one more right turn, his footsteps leaving faint noise until he stopped in front of a door. Having never wandered through the halls towards the back of the building like this, he had no clue whose room he could be standing in front of, but whoever was crying had to be in there. Eren took a deep breath, forgetting to do so much as knock on the door before he entered. His feet carried him forward into the room cautiously.

Hardly any light shone into the room due to the dark curtains which absorbed the moonlight rather than letting it through. The only light source was that of a candle on the nightstand, illuminating the backside of the crying person. Eren could just make out short, black hair atop the head of a man somewhat below average in height, undoubtedly Captain Levi. Panic arose in Eren’s chest, thinking back to how menacing and cold the captain could be. Nevertheless, Eren ignored his rapid heartbeat and stepped further into the room, closing the door behind him and quietly clearing his throat.

“Captain Levi?” he tried softly, hoping for the best. “Are you the one I heard crying?” though he knew the answer. He nearly jumped back when Levi whipped his head around and stood to face him, a look of fear in his eyes for what had to be one of the first times. Tears continued to stream down his face, yet they didn’t hinder his ability to seem threatening as he spoke.

“What are you doing in here, brat?” he spat, voice steady despite his appearance. “You can’t just come in here as you please, and it’s past your curfew. Get back to your room before I decide to punish you.”

Eren channeled his courage, reassuring himself that Levi wouldn’t hurt him in his current mental state. Confidently, he spoke, “I won’t leave. Clearly something is bothering you, and I want to help. You can punish me however you like, but I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong.” Levi hesitated before walking over to Eren and grabbing him by the shirt to pull him down to eye level.

“There is nothing going on here,” he blatantly lied, the epitome of self-destruction all for the sake of saving face. His eyes red and puffy from the crying, he added, “I guess I’ll have to force you out.”

Eren saw the punch coming before Levi even moved, and he backed away quickly enough for the captain’s grip on his shirt to instantly release. Something was different this time around. Levi was weak.

The shorter of the two looked down at the floor, and Eren stepped up close to him once more. “Captain Levi, please tell me why you’re crying. I want to know if I can help.” Levi sighed aggressively, moving to the other side of the room and resting his hands on the windowsill, peering out of the space between the curtains. He tilted his head to the side, and Eren could see his pale face illuminated by the moon, grey eyes dulled though gleaming from the moisture.

“For as far back as I can remember, I’ve done my best to block out whatever feelings I may have,” said Levi in a hushed tone, eyeing Eren from across the room. “Every once in a while, all of that built up emotion that I’ve ignored hits me at once, and I find myself in a situation like this. It feels...like I’m drowning. That’s all.” Eren moved a few feet forward, but Levi raised his voice and visibly slinked away. “Don’t come any closer to me, shitty brat. I told you what’s wrong, now leave or I  _ will  _ resort to beating the shit out of you.”

Yet Eren continued to approach him, his heavy footsteps audible as he did so. Levi turned, raising a hand most likely to swing at Eren, but the latter blocked the punch and backed Levi up against the wall. “Let me comfort you,” he asked, offering a smile as he leaned back a little, careful to appear calm rather than threatening or dangerous.

Levi said through gritted teeth, “Tch. You’re just as stubborn and relentless as you are in combat. I can’t make you leave without hurting you, can I?”

“You’re vulnerable like this,” Eren took the risk to say, whispering with a hint of arrogance hiding within his words. “You couldn’t make me leave no matter how hard you tried.”

“Shut your mouth,” Levi snapped, and then with less ferocity, added, “Don’t rub it in.” Without a warning, Eren wrapped his arms around Levi and hugged him close, warmth spreading throughout the captain’s body. He breathed in Eren’s scent, closing his eyes despite the fact that he was close to going into a sort of panic mode at receiving physical contact like this. Levi may be humanity’s strongest soldier, but greatly inexperienced in normal human interaction. He slowly raised his arms, his hands hovering a mere inch from Eren’s back, but he refused to touch him. He had already been crying in front of the boy; he didn’t need to show more emotion by hugging him back. However, the temptation to rest his hands on Eren and hold him tight grew stronger the longer Eren pressed himself against him, refusing to let go just yet. 

Naturally, Levi eventually gave in and buried his head in the fabric of Eren’s shirt, wrapping his arms around him as his fingers grasped at Eren’s back. He couldn’t seem to remember when Eren had grown so tall. Relief washed over the latter as Levi exhaled, now certain that the elder wouldn’t do anything to harm him despite his barging into the room a few minutes earlier. As Eren had claimed, Levi was vulnerable. When Eren finally pulled away, he could see that Levi was no longer crying, the last of his tears caught on Eren’s shirt. Levi’s heart rate had also taken on a gradual decrease, perhaps more comfortable with Eren than he had ever been before.

“Please don’t let those feelings kill you,” said Eren quietly. “I know you must be enduring a lot, but it hurts to see you like this.”  _ Why? _

Levi bit his lip and looked anywhere but at Eren, his eyes training on the dark corners of his bedroom. “I’ll be fine once I get it all out. I just need time. I’ll be alright by tomorrow morning, like it never even happened.” Eren stared at him, skeptical.  _ It isn’t your job to worry. _

“Will you be able to sleep?” asked Eren. Levi sighed again and ran a hand through his silky hair, faint beams of moonlight bouncing off of the dark surface color. “You can’t stay up all night when you know we have a busy day tomorrow.”

“Listen, brat, I hardly get sleep even on a good night,” Levi told him, louder than he intended. “Stop that. Fatigue is the least of my concerns, and I shouldn’t be one of yours.”

Eren took a chance by placing a hand on Levi’s shoulder, watching as the latter twitched but didn’t resist him. “Do you promise you’ll be okay soon?”

_ I can’t do that.  _ Levi nodded. “Yes, now get out of my room already, you invasive idiot. You’re lucky I’ve decided not to write you up for being out of your room past curfew. And for invading my privacy.” Eren lifted his hand from Levi’s shoulder and brought his arm back to his side. He smiled again, ear to ear, overwhelmed with sympathy for Levi and the feeling that he might have cracked a secret code. There had to be something Levi didn’t want to admit, something that led him to let Eren off the hook. “Yes, sir. I’ll see you in the morning.” He turned, walked back towards the door, and rotated the knob. After stepping into the hall, he muttered a quiet “goodnight, Captain Levi,” before closing the door, leaving the raven standing in darkness, alone.


	3. Close Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren tries to help a second time for good reason, with a different result than the first. The events that follow, however, aren't all as convenient.

In the morning, when Eren went to breakfast, he spotted Levi talking to an enthusiastic, energetic Hanji. Levi seemed not at all interested in what they had to say to him, which became evident in the way he stared off into space, his eyes drooping as he blinked slowly. These were signs of tiredness, that much was obvious. What struck Eren then was the fact that the captain had that same appearance time after time, nearly every day, and this could be the reason no one else thought to question him. Eren quickly realized that Levi must have been avoiding the whole truth when he claimed that the sort of night he had been having previously only happens on occasion. Clearly, Levi was kept up every night by vivid emotion, and Eren soundlessly pondered what to do about it before his friends came over and guided him to sit down.

That night, he was kept awake due to more sounds of distant crying, which he grew more tempted to do something about the longer it went on, until the noise died down and finally stopped at some odd time in the middle of the night. Eren sighed in relief, closing his eyes to go to sleep now that he knew Levi was doing the same. He had just begun to drift off when the echo of a shout had him springing up out of bed and practically running to Levi’s room. Ignoring the origin of his own concern, he pressed his ear against the door, hesitant to go inside and face an angry Levi the same as the previous night. Eren heard mumbling from inside the room, and once another shout sounded he gave in to his own need to help and entered.

Stray beads of sweat trickled down Levi’s forehead as he tossed and turned in bed, twitching here and there and shaking from what had to be fear. It instantly clicked in Eren’s mind that the man had to be having a nightmare. Eren closed the bedroom door behind him after stepping inside, and he made his way over to Levi’s bed, pushing his anxiety aside to shake the sleeper’s arm to wake him. No sooner had he sputtered out the captain’s name than the man himself grabbed Eren’s wrist, Levi gasping as he realized who had woken him. Levi shot up in bed, turning and throwing Eren down onto the sheets and climbing on top of him to pin him down.

“What the hell are you doing here again?” asked Levi, his voice hoarse yet demanding. Eren gulped, not expecting such a strong reaction from the other, but then justifying it with the fact that whatever nightmare Levi was having, it likely activated his fight-or-flight mode when he was pulled out of it.

“I heard you crying before, but I didn’t want to bother you again, so I waited,” Eren began breathlessly, struggling to explain his intentions. “I know you stopped crying, but then you shouted, a-and I was worried that you were, I don’t know, in trouble somehow…” He trailed off, focusing on keeping his eyes trained on Levi, whose expression softened.

“Eren,” he said, almost fondly, “there’s nothing to worry about. You know you shouldn’t be here. If anyone finds out you came to my room, especially past curfew,  _ again _ \--”

Eren shook his head. “Who would find out? Everyone else is asleep. It’s just you and me.” Levi simply stared, probably thinking of the possible consequences of his own carelessness; allowing himself to be heard by others so late at night. Who else could have heard him whining and crying like a child? Surely Eren couldn’t be the only other awake. “I hate seeing you like this,” Eren admitted, interrupting his train of thought. “I know you’re angry with me, and I know you think it’s best if I leave, but please...let me stay.” Levi seemed to be considering for a moment, and his eyelids fluttered, showing his obvious fatigue. True, he had hardly gotten any sleep the night before, and now, here he had finally fallen into slumber only to be tormented by a nightmare. And forcing Eren out of his room would only spend more of his limited energy. 

“Tch. How do you keep backing me into a corner?” Levi muttered, mostly to himself. Taking a deep breath, he climbed off of Eren and lowered himself onto the bed, his arm brushing against Eren’s. He turned to his side, facing away from the younger, and pulled the blanket over himself, choosing not to say another word.

Eren could see Levi’s slight shivering even as he lay under the blanket. Of course, he had no desire to risk getting beaten to a pulp by the captain, but Eren felt a strong need to keep him warm. After all, if he were to fall unconscious, Levi wouldn’t be able to stay asleep for long as cold as he was. Furthermore, what was the point of Eren staying with Levi if they were lying so far away from each other?

Eren scooted closer and rolled over onto his side, draping an arm over Levi and pressing their bodies close, his chest against Levi’s back. The latter flinched, yet somehow the feeling of Eren breathing on his neck proved to be more calming than unsettling. He relaxed, gradually, his chest warm where Eren’s large hand rested. He heard the other whisper something about if Levi was okay with this, to which the captain replied, “Only because I was cold when you weren’t so close,” tacking a scoff on the end of his sentence to prevent Eren from getting the wrong idea. Still, he knew Eren was smiling behind him, but Levi didn’t mind it. In fact, and he would only admit this to himself, Levi felt comfortable and perhaps even safe in Eren’s arms. Both his and Eren’s eyes fell closed, and here Levi knew he would be able to sleep with little trouble.

Eren tiptoed over to Levi’s room the following night without thinking any of it, knocking on the door loud enough for Levi to hear but not so loud that anyone else would. The response he received was a muffled “Oh, fuck off,” from the captain, and beyond the door Levi sat up in bed frantically wiping any tears from his face and eyes. He reluctantly got out of bed and trudged over to the door but didn’t open it yet, asking Eren to leave, who briefly forgot to control his anger and raised his voice, retorting that since Levi hadn’t shoved him away the other two nights, he wouldn’t do it now anyway. “Don’t underestimate me,” Levi had said then, his own voice raising as the ache in his chest was replaced with disdain. After some arguing back and forth, Eren let his forehead fall against the door as he breathed steadily and forced himself to calm down, using a much more welcoming voice as he repeated the same phrase as the two nights prior: that he wouldn’t be leaving. Too exhausted to continue their quarrel, Levi decided to let Eren inside, the doorknob turning slowly. Eren looked up and watched the door open, peering down at Levi’s unsettled expression. 

“Are you planning on holding me again?” Levi asked him, eyes trained on the floorboards. Eren stepped forward and reached a hand out, though he kept his fingers hovering an inch from Levi’s arm.

“As long as you allow it,” Eren responded. Levi sighed and turned away, letting Eren close the door and follow him back to his bed. There was a second blanket atop the sheets.

Though he’d never let anyone in on the secret, sleeping in Eren’s arms was something which Levi could get used to. Now he had the chance to, as he began to predict what time Eren would come around each night to join him. When Eren came back the night after that, there was little protesting on Levi’s end, and the two ended up falling asleep together once more. Sometimes Eren would show up a few minutes earlier than expected, and this trend continued until he arrived before either of them were tired enough to sleep anyway. Levi found himself caught up in meaningless conversations with the boy, like they were bonding as more than soldier and captain.

“Captain, have you ever seen titans walk on their hands and knees? Like they have four legs?” Eren asked late one night as he sat next to Levi in bed, keeping his distance with his hands laid across his lap.

Levi didn’t bat an eye. “Yes. Have you?”

“Yeah, but I was just thinking...If Jean was a titan shifter like me, he’d probably walk on his hands and knees like that. You know, to go with his horse face.” Levi rolled his eyes at the comment and nudged Eren with his elbow.

“You ought to get better at telling jokes, Eren,” he said.

Eren pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I’m great at telling jokes, you just never laugh at anything.” 

Silence fell over the dimly lit room for a while before Levi responded, “That’s not true.” Eren thought for a moment. He truly had never heard Levi laugh, or even chuckle. Not once.

He turned his head to look at Levi’s stoic expression. “Hm, I’ll make you laugh one way or another,” he declared. “No matter how long it takes me.” Each night he came to Levi’s room, he came equipped with a new joke. None of them got a reaction out of Levi, though, not even the toilet jokes.

“And I said, ‘Maybe if Reiner swallowed his pride, it would come back out as titan fodder!’” Eren exclaimed, hardly able to contain his own laughter. Levi shoved him to the side, and he fell close to the edge of the bed.

“You’re an idiot. Titans don’t shit,” he told Eren, ignoring the joke itself. Eren’s eyebrows furrowed as he leaned over and shoved Levi back, though he hardly budged. “Did you just push me?” asked Levi, a threat lingering behind the words. 

Eren shrugged. “You pushed me first,” he said. Levi took it upon himself to shove Eren again as payback, though he briefly forgot his own strength, which became clear as Eren endured so much force that he fell off of the bed and onto the hard floor with a loud  _ thud. _ Levi’s head snapped to the side, and he crawled over to the edge of the bed to peer down at Eren, who visibly cringed upon contact with the floor. 

“Damn, are you alright?” Levi asked him, eyes wide and concerned. He held out a hand to help Eren back up.

Eren slotted his hand into Levi’s and let the latter pull him back up into a standing position. “It’s not like you to care so much,” he said in amazement, climbing back onto the bed. 

Levi hesitantly pulled his hand away. “It is…”

“No, I mean, it’s not like you to show it,” Eren corrected himself. Levi seemed relieved. “I’m okay, don’t worry about it.” He laid down and looked up at Levi, waiting for him to follow suit.

Eren noticed Levi beginning to look less tired each morning and more energetic, about as energetic as someone like Captain Levi had the capacity to be. Even as the start of winter had the scouts in particularly low spirits, Levi seemed to be gradually improving at least in physical state. One night, with the early December weather raging outside, Eren and Levi laid on opposite sides of Levi’s bed, unfortunately facing away from each other for no reason in particular. The cold outside creeping in through the window of the room, though it remained closed, had Eren instinctively pulling the thick blanket more towards himself, the other end slipping from Levi’s grasp. Scowling, he yanked it back on top of himself, Eren instantly feeling the chill of the room again when the cover he had was pulled halfway off of him.

Eren turned enough to take a quick peek at Levi, who had nearly the entire blanket all piled on top of him. Certainly he didn’t need that much cover to be warm enough. Eren rolled his eyes and pulled the blanket again, just enough so that it barely covered all of him. Shortly after he stopped shivering, Levi slowly tugged at the blanket again until Eren let it go, and Levi gratefully claimed all of it as it bunched around his frame and provided much needed warmth. No longer covered at all, Eren chuckled lightly to himself. “Okay, you can have it,” he whispered, deciding to give up and try to sleep through the cold. 

Ten minutes later, exhaustion began to catch up to him and he let his eyes slip closed, though he still couldn’t rest. All across his skin there were goosebumps, and on occasion he would rub his hands over his arms to warm them at least for a second. In the middle of fighting to sleep, he felt something warm engulf him.

Levi, feeling worse with each passing minute about stealing away any warmth Eren could have had, sighed quietly and rolled over, moving the blanket almost completely on top of Eren, only leaving the tiniest bit of the edge for himself. He laid back down, on his back this time, and used the edge to cover his right side, though it did almost nothing for him now that he was mostly exposed to the cold. Eren shifted a bit, welcoming the blanket, but something still wasn’t right. “If you don’t want to be cold, you can come closer,” he muttered, still facing away from Levi even though his words were directed towards him. Levi considered it for a while, any arguments of  _ who said I would take suggestions from you?  _ dying on his lips before they escaped. Eren’s offer did seem enticing. So Levi shut his mouth and scooted little by little closer to Eren, turning onto one side to stare at Eren’s back. He was able to receive more of the blanket in this position, which both relieved him and warmed him. His fingers, which always happened to be the iciest part of his body when cold, hovered extremely close to Eren’s back, yet he didn’t dare to actually touch him. Despite his heart racing due to their closeness, Levi allowed this new heat to help him relax until finally, he fell asleep. That night, Eren appeared in his dreams.

Their routine of sleeping next to each other lasted for over a month before Levi let his  _ feelings  _ change his mind about the whole ordeal. Eren was used to spooning him by the time Levi decided it had to stop.

“What do you mean?” asked Eren brokenly. “I thought I was helping you.” Levi had been pacing back and forth in his room, hardly listening. He sighed, stopped in his tracks and thought for a moment.

“You were,” he replied, a hint of softness in the admission. He refused to make eye contact.

“Then why can’t I stay?” Eren questioned, so quietly he couldn’t be sure whether or not Levi heard him, his expression like that of a sad puppy yet Levi had close to no reaction. The latter gulped, anxiety and fear building up in him despite his greatest efforts to calm down throughout their conversation thus far, and he ended up shouting:

“I don’t need your pity!”

Eren looked at him, visibly hurt and with wide, glistening eyes. Levi felt his fists clench on their own accord. His eyes squeezed shut as he added, “I have never needed you, or w-wanted you. There’s no point in you being here, so leave me alone at night, you---shitty brat.”

Something cracked inside of Eren then, and Levi turned away from him, refusing to say anything else. Backing away, Eren felt his hip hit the doorknob, and because he couldn’t find the words to argue, he reluctantly left.


	4. Far Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren spends a little too much time longing to be with Levi again, so much in fact that he speaks up about his views.

Since that heartbreaking night, Eren and Levi’s lives in the corps had returned to “normal”, reverting back to the way they used to be, aside from the new tension between the two of them. Levi had never seemed further away from Eren, not even when Eren had been kidnapped months ago and taken to Rod Reiss’ labyrinth.

As of now, Eren had found himself focusing on Levi dozens of times, too many to count. His priorities should be elsewhere. One time in particular, Eren had been gazing down the hall at the other when a voice rang out next to him and snapped him out of it. “Hey, Eren, are you gay or something?” Jean barked angrily. “Stop staring at Captain Levi and help me clean the windows!” He threw a damp hand towel at Eren, who instantly got worked up at such an irritating interruption, not that what he had been doing was important. Not that Levi would have a positive reaction to catching him staring. Before Eren could retaliate, though, Armin stepped in and picked up the towel off of the floor.

“Eren, is everything okay?” he asked, and then he turned to Jean. “Maybe I should help you instead. Eren can sweep the floors downstairs with Mikasa.” Unable to make out the rest of the conversation after that since he found it much less important than the fact that Levi couldn’t seem to reach something on the top shelf of the supply closet, Eren wandered over, almost sneaking up behind him and grabbed the feather duster, handing it to the vertically-challenged. Levi downright glared at him but quickly corrected himself, his expression remaining impartial.

“Here,” Eren offered, “I could see you were having trouble.” He sent a smile Levi’s way, who only rolled his eyes.

“I could have gotten it, brat.” Levi glanced around the room and then to Armin and Jean, who weren’t paying attention to their exchange in the slightest. “Stop standing around,” the captain ordered. “This entire castle needs to be clean by the end of the afternoon, and as far as I’m concerned, you’ve hardly contributed anything to its improvement.”

Eren sighed and put the feather duster down on an empty space on one of the lower shelves when Levi wouldn’t take it from him. “It would be much easier to clean if we didn’t have to clean it to your impossible standards.”

Levi peered up at him, crossing his arms over his chest and finally turning to face him directly. “If it isn’t clean enough to satisfy me, do you  _ honestly  _ think it isn’t filthy? Would you rather sacrifice your healthy environment for a little more free time? It’s one afternoon a week, Eren. That’s all we have to spend.”

“Well, sir,” began Eren, “to be  _ honest,  _ the only thing it seems we have to worry about is the collecting dust.”

Levi’s face reddened, and he furrowed his brows. Anger bubbled beneath the surface of his skin. “I expected you to have a greater brain capacity than that. What about dirt and mud from your boots, grime and bacteria in the bathrooms, and cobwebs and dead spiders? Not to mention--”

He stopped abruptly when Eren turned around at the call of his name, Mikasa appearing behind him with a broom in her hand. “Grab another one of these and help me sweep under the tables downstairs,” she directed him. He glanced back at Levi before squeezing past him to get a broom from the supply closet, promptly following Mikasa downstairs with another tacky smile on his face. 

The good news to come from this was that he seemed to have had something of a conversation with Levi without any awkward silences or unwanted violence, and that could be perceived as a win for someone who had been banned from seeing the captain at night in his room. Eren’s smile soon faded, however, as Levi seemed to speak to him for minutes fewer and fewer with each day that passed; whether this may be on purpose or not, Eren couldn’t tell from the lack of emotion portrayed in Levi’s every action. Though this treatment reached the point where Levi wouldn’t even acknowledge Eren if he were to say something, even if it was directed at him alone. Eren accepted it at first, shoving his own opinions down his throat, but it began to hurt his feelings when Levi acted as though he didn’t exist.

Each night for a week he was kept awake, except it wasn’t the distant sounds of distress that caused it. In fact, he didn’t hear Levi make any noise at night for those seven straight evenings, up until the eighth night, in which Eren’s ears were haunted by the sound of Levi shouting from a nightmare, the echoes far away but still audible even as Eren smashed his pillows over his ears. It deeply bothered him that he had no choice but to ignore it, leaving Levi to suffer. 

Hadn’t Levi placed the burden of making difficult choices on Eren once or twice in the past? How was this any different? Levi might have kicked him out and away before, but that certainly did  _ not  _ mean Eren had no choice but to sit and take it. Since when did he run away from a fight?

The dining hall became almost empty as the scouts finished their dinner, all leaving except for Eren and Levi. How convenient. Levi sat with his legs crossed two tables down from Eren, who was unaware of the fact that he had been staring at the other for an excessive amount of time. “Captain Levi?” he finally spoke, calling out to him with a questioning tone, as though he was no longer sure if he could address him at all given their complicated situation. Levi’s eyes met his as he drank the rest of his tea.

“Brat, this better be important. What is it?” he asked, setting his teacup back down on the table a bit aggressively. It took a long time for Eren to find the right words, but at least Levi had enough patience to wait for him to speak, rather than giving up and leaving.

“It wasn’t out of pity,” Eren started finally, his voice soft enough to sound dejected. Levi peered up at him curiously. “It’s because, honestly, I care about you.” Levi’s expression changed, but Eren couldn’t look at him long enough to notice, and the former couldn’t think of anything to reply with before Eren had left the room. As he sat alone, Levi thought long and hard about the situation at hand. He had slept in the same bed as Eren for well over a week and then, without warning, suddenly decided to avoid him due to the strange feelings in development for the boy. He had hurt Eren and acted a fool, yelling at him the previous week when all Eren had done for him was  _ help.  _ Levi had never known how to handle his feelings properly, but he realized that evening that ignoring them would only make them stronger, and that he had to embrace them. Not only for himself, but for those around him. If his tense state of mind remained any longer, he would have another run-in with Hanji, and they would likely drop kick him into titan territory. Accepting his newfound emotions really was the best course of action.

Where had this sudden healthy thinking come from? Levi actually chuckled to himself, knowing damn well it was because that 15-year-old titan shifter of all people had made him suffer the reality of feeling romantic attraction, and he wouldn’t be escaping it any time soon.

Eren heard a knock on his bedroom door that night, ten minutes before curfew. “Come in,” he said tiredly, expecting to see Mikasa or Armin, or perhaps Jean peeking his head in to make fun of him for no apparent reason instead of crying over Marco like he  _ still  _ did to this day. Half the time Eren wondered if those two had been in a secret relationship before Marco’s demise. However, the person standing in Eren’s doorway happened to be a short man in his early thirties. “What are you doing here?” he asked him in surprise, trying not to get his hopes up. Levi closed the door, leaning back against it with his hands in his pockets.

“I never should have told you to leave that night,” said Levi, gaze directed at the floor. “You were only trying to help, and I’ve been painfully aware of that this entire time. I caused you to feel upset, and for that I’m sorry.”

Eren watched as Levi shifted his weight and slowly approached him one small step at a time. “I forgive you,” he blurted truthfully. “I invaded your boundaries the first few nights I barged in anyway.” Levi shook his head but didn’t say anything to counter Eren’s statement. It took a minute or two for him to work up the courage to ask what he did then:

“Eren, can I stay with you tonight?”

Blue-green eyes peered into grey ones as Eren grinned only the slightest bit and scooted over in bed to make room for Levi. “Of course you can,” he said with fondness for the other, as if they were lovers who had finally made up after an evening of fighting.  _ Not too far off,  _ Levi thought.  _ Don’t go there. _ He climbed under the covers perhaps a bit eagerly and rested his head against Eren’s chest, listening intently to his heartbeat until Levi’s eyes slipped closed and he let sleep come to him. After over a week of sleeping alone, having another warm body next to him was all he needed to relax for once and drift off without a second thought. Levi finally found relief with this advance. And Eren was relieved, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That mention of jeanmarco was probably unnecessary. I have some jeanmarco fic ideas lingering about that I might get to eventually in case you'd be interested.


	5. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter mostly explains it, though the ending contains a significant event...

Over the course of the next few days, Eren and Levi fell into the same routine as before. Every night around the same time, Eren would tiptoe from his room to Levi’s, and they would both fall asleep in the latter’s bed. In the morning, Eren would make sure to wake up early and sneak out of the room to return to his own, and no one suspected a thing.

This went on for quite some time. Levi had been losing track of the nights as they passed, and all he knew was that he thoroughly enjoyed them, albeit secretly. Having someone like Eren hold him as they fell asleep made Levi feel not only cared for but  _ safe  _ for the first time in his life. His heart grew fond of Eren: his support, his compassion, his warmth, his presence, and of course his tempting looks. It took a long while for Levi to admit to himself his blossoming feelings for the boy, but when he did realize them, what came to him could almost be considered relief. To be able to spend his nights with someone Levi genuinely  _ liked _ … He had something to look forward to now after each daunting day.

Perhaps he had grown too comfortable with this arrangement. Eren had come in one cold night in January and had to light a second candle in order to see Levi slumped in a chair in the corner of his room, his right hand resting on the windowsill while his left hand lay in his lap. His eyes closed, breathing softly and evenly. Eren whispered his name, and without a reply he confirmed Levi’s unconsciousness. Allowing himself only a moment of giving into temptation, Eren inched forward and reached a hand out, threading his fingers gently through the silky black locks of hair attached to Levi’s head. He thought he felt Levi stir in his sleep, but it appeared to be a false alarm when the man held his position and breathed in and out at a steady, relaxed pace. Eren had never had the liberty of seeing him like this before, though he couldn’t stand idly by and let him rest in a wooden chair, or he’d wake up stiff and immovable. 

“ _ Levi, _ ” he called lowly, drawing out each syllable. His hand fell to Levi’s shoulder and shook him barely, though it was enough to wake him. He jumped at first, startled by even that small touch, but as his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting and he peered up at Eren’s awaiting face, he let the tension leave him. Eren moved to take Levi’s hand in his, and the older of the two accepted it, Eren murmuring something along the lines of “get into bed, you’ll rest better there,” as he guided Levi towards his own bed and gave him space to climb onto the mattress. As he settled in, the pitter-patter of rain sounded outside, little droplets pelting against the stone walls of the old castle. Levi liked rain. Hearing it reminded him that he resides above ground, forgetting the shadows of underground living and an unfavorable childhood. Not something to think about now, as Eren still held onto his hand as he pulled himself into bed next to Levi, facing him and refusing to look anywhere except Levi’s face, while the latter directed his gaze at the tangled sets of fingers between them.

“Eren,” Levi breathed, his voice slightly rough from his short time of sleeping, “why are your hands always so warm?” He took a chance in trailing his eyes up to meet the other’s, whose irises swirled in the ochre room, consumed by fiery candlelight.

Eren replied without missing a beat. “Rage.”

An immediate burst of bubbly laughter escaped Levi, hardly more than two seconds of chortling, but because this was the debut of an action which Levi had never presented to Eren before, the younger’s mouth fell open in both surprise and accomplishment. He had hardly heard himself babbling out a few sentences about how he’d finally gotten Levi to laugh at something he said, because the thought that filled Eren’s mind was only the revelation of, “ _ oh my god, he looks cute with that expression on his face,”  _ and he had to force himself to stop talking before he blurted that out, too.

The next few nights were nearly the same way, in which Levi was already somewhat asleep by the time Eren let himself into the room, typically finding Levi leaned back in that chair or occasionally even still sitting up in bed with some sort of book in his hand. Eren had no sooner become used to waking him up to ensure that he assumed a more comfortable position to sleep in than he came in on one particular night in which Levi wore an expression so exhausted and dark that Eren didn't have the heart to wake him. Instead, he tiptoed over to Levi’s bed and took the heavy blanket off of its place atop the sheets, draping it over Levi’s lower half so he wouldn’t wake from cold in the middle of the night. The man’s conflicting appearance did something to Eren which he couldn’t hope to explain, and due to this he nearly went as far as planting a gentle kiss to Levi’s forehead, though he retreated just before going through with it. Why, he was unsure.

Eren patted the blanket he had lain over Levi’s legs and backed up to the empty bed, finding his way under the covers and resting his head on the pillow, inhaling the clean scent of the man whose bed he now rested in. Come to think of it, several weeks had gone by without Eren using his own bed even once. Smiling to himself, he turned the pillow and curled up in the bed, attempting to use the awfully thin sheets as cover to protect against the chill of the room. Turning his attention to Levi and, only in a compassionate sense, watching him sleep, Eren shivered but ignored his own needs. He’d rather be cold.

Around this time, Eren couldn’t help but notice how Levi would sometimes stir in the middle of the night due to nightmares, if it wasn’t the cold. Each time it happened, Eren made sure to be right there with him to calm him down and hold them until they both fell back asleep. Truth be told, Levi was eternally grateful to Eren for this treatment, but he was far too stubborn to thank him out loud.

Roughly an entire month after they had begun to sleep next to each other again, Eren woke while the sky was still dark, lighting a candle to illuminate anything within a five-foot radius. He tried a glance at Levi, whose lip quivered as his body trembled, only for a split second at first. Another bad dream? Eren felt his heart ache for the other, knowing fully well how awful these things could be. The mind can fabricate the most realistic of scenes while one lies unconscious, taking memories and building on them to create what could only be described as Hell. Eren had hoped that these occurrences would decrease over time for Levi, though this seemed all the same as the other nightmares had been. Levi’s reactions to whatever he was dreaming were never any different, which frustrated Eren more than ever. Even now, Levi’s breaths were audible as gasps and sputters, and as Eren watched over him Levi made a concerning noise which could only be described as a whimper. His eyes squeezed shut, and Eren briefly wondered if Levi might wake up on his own.

Before Eren had the chance to pull him out of his nightmare, Levi began to mumble in his sleep, and he trembled again, his body almost in a state of vibration. “ _ Petra,”  _ he murmured softly, so afraid that his voice was barely above a whisper. It had nothing to do with being asleep. He gasped again, louder this time, and his left hand jumped in front of his face and grabbed his pillow. Eren wasn’t sure if he’d seen Levi have a nightmare that had affected him this much before. “No,” he said louder, tensing up though still unconscious, Eren was sure. The names of his other former squad members soon left his lips one after the other, and Eren assumed he had to be dreaming about their deaths. So far, it seemed to be the most common theme for these night terrors. “Wait, Isabel,” he cried out, “Farlan, stay back--no--don’t--” He seemed to get choked up then, borderline coughing as he struggled to breathe properly. 

Eren leaned forward and reached a hand out to shake Levi awake, but before his hand made contact he was stopped short as  _ his  _ name ripped from Levi’s throat, and the latter began to thrash around in bed. “ _ Please,  _ not--not Eren,” Levi shouted, and Eren didn’t have time to question why Levi seemed to be the most concerned about Eren in his nightmares, or why the captain was dreaming of him in the first place. Eren was still alive; was Levi just  _ that  _ afraid of losing him? He thought that perhaps this could be a confirmation of the suspicion that  _ maybe  _ Levi felt the same way about Eren as Eren felt about him, but before he had an opportunity to ponder this possibility, he found his sense again and shook Levi violently, because if he didn’t do it hard enough he knew from experience that Levi wouldn’t wake. It took almost a whole minute for Levi to sit up in bed with a broken cry, his eyes wide and his skin sweaty. He breathed hard and ragged, staring directly in front of him at first until he remembered who he had been dreaming about, and he started whipping his head around in every direction to see if Eren was there or not.

“Levi, you were dreaming,” Eren told him, placing a hand on his shoulder to hopefully steady him out a bit. Levi blinked probably a dozen times and opened his mouth to speak, but he was at a loss for words. Eren smiled sadly, pressing his hand into Levi’s shoulder just enough to put pressure there and started up a new sentence, coaxing Levi to lie back down. Soon, the raven gave in.

“Can you tell me what you were dreaming about?” asked Eren, propped up by his elbow so that he could peer down at Levi’s awfully shocked expression, like a deer in headlights without the innocence of one. “It’s okay if not.” Levi wanted to answer him, but he ended up drawing a blank, his mind refusing to cooperate as he sat there practically having a staring contest with Eren, who waited patiently for any kind of response. Anxiety crawled up Levi’s spine, creeping into his skin and coursing through his veins, rendering him unable to speak even if he had had something to say in the first place. His heartbeat grew louder, and louder still until he started to worry that even Eren must be able to hear it. 

Eren couldn’t stop staring at Levi, not because he was waiting for an answer still, since Levi clearly wouldn’t be able to give him one, but because he thought about working up the courage to make a move. Perhaps it wasn’t the best time, but Levi was vulnerable here and in desperate need of something to calm him or to reassure him that things are alright. So much time had passed since they first made eye contact in the soft yellow lighting; how many minutes had it been now? And then, Eren saw Levi’s lower lip quiver once more, and all rationality flew out the window as the former moved in. He leaned forward slowly though, since he had a feeling Levi was one wrong move away from panicking considering the situation. The raven’s eyes visibly widened as Eren became incredibly close, their faces a mere inch apart from each other. Eren exhaled lightly, allowing Levi to feel his breath on his lips as all coherent thought left Eren and his eyes closed on their own accord; he pressed his lips to Levi’s with gentle eagerness. Levi’s eyes fluttered shut after contact had been made, and his worries dissipated while he melted into the sweet kiss. It was over so soon though, Eren pulling away and glancing off to the side.

“I should head back to my own room for the night,” he suggested softly, tearing his eyes away from the darkness to look back at Levi one more time. “It’s late, or early I guess. I would have to leave in an hour and a half anyway.”

Levi let out a breathy moan which had Eren blushing. “A-Are you sure?” asked Levi, finally finding words. Eren looked him up and down, not wishing to leave but knowing it was probably for the best. He needed space to think about what this could be, and Levi might have needed it too. Plus, he seemed to have succeeded in calming Levi down after his dreadful nightmare.

A nod was the initial response before Eren spoke, “I’ll see you in the morning.” The smile he followed it up with eased Levi’s mind about any worries of Eren possibly regretting the kiss, and the captain let his head sink into the pillow underneath it, pulling the blanket back over himself as Eren stood up and walked across the room to the bedroom door, leaving the candle burning as he made his exit.

Levi sighed, his hands flying up into his hair and pulling slightly while he tried to make sense of what had happened here between them. The kiss he and Eren shared gave him butterflies in his stomach that hadn’t yet gone away, and it made him nervous. Shaking his head, Levi turned onto his side and let his eyes slip closed. He couldn’t think about all of that at the moment; he had only a small window left to sleep tonight, and even after this fear-and-confusion-fest, he wasn’t about to stay awake until sunrise. His hand came up to his face and he brushed his fingertips over his lips, unsure of how to process the desire to have Eren kiss him again under the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think the first kiss means it's all uphill from here? The angst isn't over yet, babe.


	6. Dusk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, some angst to spice up your day. I swear it's not going to stay this way for the rest of the fic! That would be cruel. I wouldn't be able to do that.

Eren watched Levi closely the next day, taking note of the fact that it looked like something had to be bothering him. Levi, on the other hand, felt strangely out of place and grew anxious as he saw Eren look over at him a hundred times throughout the morning alone. They had continuously made eye contact, unwanted on Levi’s end, and he hated to be the one who looked away first. He grew restless and fidgety by mid-afternoon, trying to find an appropriate time to approach Eren and talk to him about their quizzical situation. It was exhausting, simply waiting for an opportunity to have a single conversation with someone. By the time the scouts went to dinner, Levi couldn’t take it anymore.

“Eren, why do you keep looking at Captain Levi like that?” Armin asked his friend, the two of them sitting alone at a table near the corner. Mikasa wouldn’t be joining them for a few more minutes, as she always had something keeping her busy enough to make her a little late. Being a workaholic, and all.

Eren tore his eyes away from Levi long enough to answer Armin, but he hadn’t thought of anything to say. Without the patience to think before speaking, he ignorantly replied, “I kissed Captain Levi.” His face instantly reddened while Armin stared at him with the most puzzled look on his face, and Eren realized that there was no way he could retract what he had said or play it off as a joke.

“You what?” asked Armin, the shock evident in his voice as he still stared. Oddly enough, Levi approached their table seconds later.

“Eren, can I speak with you in private?” he asked, his fingertips brushing against the tabletop while his other hand rested on his hip. Eren swallowed, excitement and anticipation bubbling up inside him as he nodded eagerly, glancing to the side to see Armin’s still puzzled expression once more before standing up and following Levi down the hall so that no one would overhear their conversation.

His excitement turned to worry when he noticed that the captain looked like he felt guilty about something.

Levi cleared his throat nervously. Eren had never seen him like this before, not while addressing one of the scouts. “Eren,” the latter began, “you need to forget about last night.” He risked a glance at Eren then, who wore a bewildered expression as he slowly opened his mouth to speak, but Levi wouldn’t have that. “And before you ask why,” he continued, “it’s because, as hard as it is to say this, you and I can’t--we can’t be together. I can’t be in a romantic relationship with you.”

Eren had hated that word for the longest time.  _ Can’t. _ “Why?” he blurted out. “Why not? What’s stopping you?” Levi chewed on his bottom lip, sucking in a breath while Eren quickly lost his patience. “ _ Well _ ?”

Levi blinked. “ _ Well,  _ for one, you’re half my age. You’re not even an adult yet. I can’t go off and date a teenager, for multiple reasons but one of them being that it’ll ruin my reputation with the scouts, Hanji, and Erwin.”

“Is--Is age that important to you?” Eren interrogated. “If it is, then why were you considering marrying Petra all those months ago? You know she was barely older than I am now.”

Levi flinched at the mention of Petra’s name. “She was at least an adult, Eren. You’re hardly sixteen.” Eren moved to speak again, but Levi waved his hands in front of him as if to wipe away the incoming words. “It isn’t only a matter of age though,” argued Levi. “You know by now that I have trouble with handling certain...emotions, a-and feelings, and I’m not good at communicating them. I wouldn’t be a suitable partner for you, can you not see that? I’ve never--I’ve never been in a relationship before.”

Eren chuckled haughtily, crossing his arms over his chest. “And  _ you  _ know by now how patient I can be with you. I like you, okay, and everything that you are, even the things about you that cause you to struggle with this sort of thing. And we can work on communication for as long as we need to, Levi, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

Levi was starting to crack. He was grasping at straws now, having to fabricate yet another excuse to shut Eren down. “Stop saying ‘we,’” Levi told him. “I can’t be with you. And I don’t think you’re aware of the sheer number of homophobes here. It would be seen as  _ wrong  _ and  _ disgusting  _ for us to be together. If we were to date and the scouts knew, they would despise me. They would make fun of you. It’s not worth it.”

“It’s not worth it?” Eren repeated. “How could you say that? Levi, this isn’t some insignificant decision that you can throw onto the back burner and choose not to regret, this is a relationship we’re talking about. You can’t let yourself throw away what you want and what we already have, mind you, because you’re afraid of the few people who might not like it.”

Levi sighed, his legs shaking as he ran out of arguments to make. “I’m not afraid,” he murmured, hanging his head as he leaned against the wall behind him. “What makes you think I would want a relationship even if there weren’t the problems I’ve already mentioned?”

Eren shook his head. “Are you kidding me? You’re unbelievable. How are you going to sit there and argue with me about something we’ve both wanted for weeks, and then make yourself look worse by denying you’ve ever wanted it in the first place? Trying to hide and block out your own desire won’t work, because I’ve been there, I’m  _ still  _ there, and I know you’re only doing this because you think this bond we have is dangerous. You’re worried that if you’re attached to me, if something happens to me down the road in this shitty world we live in, you’ll get your heart broken for what seems like the millionth time. But everything we have now is staring you in the face, and past your fear you never want to give this up. 

“You can’t sleep unless I’m there with you, holding you, keeping you warm. You rely on me more than anyone else, and that scares you too. You need me. Don’t act like I don’t know how you feel,  _ Levi.  _ You may be good at hiding your emotions while the sun’s out and you’re surrounded, but I can see right through you when you reach out for me in the middle of the night to comfort you.”

“That’s it. Shut up,” Levi snapped. “You’ve done nothing but make things more complicated for me than I’d like them to be. I don’t want to sleep with you anymore; I don’t want to be with you. You keep getting in my way, just like you did that first time you barged into my room without permission, because all you know how to do is break rules. If you want to keep things friendly between us for the sake of the scouts, that’s fine. But stop coming to my room thinking you can help me sleep. I’m tired of dreaming about nothing but you. I’m tired of wanting something I shouldn’t. I’m tired of thinking I need you, I-I’m--I’m rambling.” Eren felt as though he had been hit with a brick. Before he had a chance to try again, Levi added, “This discussion is over. _ Please _ , get out of my sight.”

Eren walked back down the hallway and took his seat at the table he shared with Armin. Mikasa was there next to him, a concerned look on her face. Armin asked, “Now that you’re back, can you explain what you mentioned before?” 

Eren recalled the conversation he had had with Levi moments ago. It made his head spin. “Forget it. I didn’t say anything. Nothing happened,” he said flatly, his eyes dark as he stared down at the plate of food Mikasa set in front of him. “Armin, how’s the campaign to go back outside the walls going?”

Levi leaned heavily against the wall of the hallway Eren left him in. He slid down to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and letting his head fall onto them. He wished for the tears not to come, but said wish was heard empty, and he ended up with a face stained with tears, his cravat uncomfortably dampened as well. His body began to shake more so than before as he felt a poisonous ache in his chest. It became hard to breathe, and his vision blurred. He hadn’t had a panic attack in a long time thanks to Eren’s company at night. Now, however, the sun was still high in the sky, yet the raven had no choice but to succumb to anxiety.

Around the corner, Hanji began to analyze the conversation they had picked up on and then shamefully crept closer to the sound in order to listen to. Levi’s shaky, uneven breathing echoed in Hanji’s ears, and they exhaled, turned and came forward, crouching down beside Levi and silently plopping down next to him, leaning back against the wall. “I haven’t seen you like this in years,” they told him sympathetically. Their voice was calm. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Levi hid his face behind his arms and attempted to stop crying, because even in front of one of his closest companions he hated to be seen like this. He forced out a weak “no” and curled up into himself as much as he could. Hanji stretched their legs out and placed a cool hand on Levi’s shaking shoulder.

“That’s okay,” they reassured him. “I’ll stay anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bless Hanji for their support. There to silently comfort a rare emotional Levi.


	7. Open Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter just about wraps things up. If the angst hurt you, I will heal you now.

Levi spent the next nine days suppressing any feelings he might have had for Eren, and trying to forget every good memory he had of the boy. It took every ounce of willpower he had to stick to his decision and to keep away from Eren, at least romantically. Levi now found it nearly impossible to sleep, and for once, Eren wasn’t having much luck either. He was kept up every night wondering how Levi was feeling and if he had reverted back to crying again, upset and alone. Eren himself had trouble keeping it together after being rejected by someone he knew he could be with. Their situation defined tragedy, as Levi and Eren both wanted the same thing, but fear and anxiety held Levi back from getting it.

He hadn’t spoken to Eren in days because he simply had no need to. He tried anything to get Eren off his mind, yet no method worked. He thought after a while that he could be somewhat relieved, because he concluded that Eren had finally given up trying for good. However, he never heard Eren whispering to himself at night, trying to come up with what to say to Levi to cause him to change his mind. Levi should have known Eren would persevere; after all, Eren had done so in situations that seemed like a lost cause far too many times to count. Perhaps rational thought and common sense abandoned Levi because he was incredibly overwhelmed by his own emotions. His feelings for Eren had caused him to forget about Eren’s naturally determined character. He was totally, definitely not thinking about Eren at dinner one night when he looked up and realized he was alone in the room...almost.

Mikasa and Armin each gave Eren odd looks as they stood up in unison. “Aren’t you done eating?” Mikasa asked Eren, who tilted his head up to look at her.

“I’ll finish up. You guys can go,” he responded, waving Armin off when he opened his mouth to say something. They elected not to question him, leaving the room instead.

Eren surveyed the area. Empty tables, many empty tables. Lanterns hanging on the walls made of old, gradually crumbling stone. Eventually he told himself to stop stalling and say something to the man sitting two tables away from him, just the same as a month and a half ago.

“ _ It wasn’t out of pity. It’s because, honestly, I care about you. _ ”

Could their encounter then be called a conversation? Levi hadn’t said a word that night aside from acknowledging Eren. Now Eren wondered, if he didn’t speak first as the two sat alone in the dining hall, would Levi say anything at all?

“Hey brat, are you going to speak up, or will you sit there giving me that sad puppy look until one of us leaves?” the latter asked seconds later, ironically.

Eren wanted to scream right at that moment, he wanted to shout at Levi for shutting him out when the man clearly needed him--no, when they needed each other. However, Eren knew that using such an aggressive approach would make the captain only want to be further from him, rather than draw him closer. He took a deep breath, thinking carefully about what he was going to say, and when he was ready, he gazed up to see that Levi was looking at him expectantly.

“I can tell you haven’t been able to sleep,” Eren began, nothing changing in Levi’s expression at first. “We’ve also established that you had feelings for me a week ago. I can tell you have them still.

“And it’s okay, because as you know, I have those same feelings for you. I know it’s scary, and talking to you gives me this funny feeling in my stomach that makes me want to throw up.” Levi glared at him. “In a good way! Don’t look at me like that, I know you’ve felt it too.

“I understand your concerns about age and reputation, but Levi, I know that the real reason you turned me down is because you’re afraid that you’ll mess up somehow, or that I’ll lose interest in you, or maybe that I don’t actually like you in the first place. But you should know those fears won’t come true. It must be hard to trust anyone given the number of friends you’ve lost over the years, but I’m telling you right now that your worries about this are useless. I believe I told you before that I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, and I still think that way even after you’ve distanced yourself from me. 

“Every day my feelings for you grow stronger, and if you know me as well as you should by now, you’d know that I won’t stop fighting for us. For our--our l-love, and don’t try to correct me, because I know you love me too.” 

Levi sat there exasperated, unable to respond with anything but a softly spoken “what?” Eren sucked in a big breath and let it out quickly, his hands pressing into the table.

Once he realized Levi wouldn’t be able to say much else yet, Eren continued his heartfelt speech. “You don’t have to be afraid of your feelings and of yourself, Levi. It’s easier to find the good things in life when you allow yourself to experience them. Like those times I held you while you fell asleep, didn’t you let yourself feel content then? Aren’t those nice memories? You and I can work, Levi, all you have to do is give yourself permission to  _ feel. _ ”

“Are you done?” Levi finally asked after Eren had been silent for half a minute. He tried to sound dismissive, but his voice faltered.

Eren felt a wave of disappointment wash over him, thinking that his entire speech had been for nothing, and that Levi truthfully wouldn’t give in no matter how determined Eren was. “ _ Levi _ …” he muttered, the name dying on his lips.

“I’m sorry.”

Eren perked up at what sounded like an apology. Levi had spoken so quietly it was almost impossible to hear. Were Eren’s ears playing tricks on him?

“I’m sorry,” he said again, so softly, lower than a whisper. “I wasted so much time trying to stay away from this. I’m sorry.”

A glimmer of hope shot through Eren then, and he stood and approached the captain, his shoes clacking across the floor as he made his way over. Levi slowly stood to match him, and Eren peered down at him for only a brief moment before he leaned in and pressed his lips to Levi’s in a passionate kiss, forged that way from ten days of harsh longing. Levi let out a sigh, unable to fully process the action until Eren had already pulled away, and it took Levi a few extra seconds to open his eyes once he had done so. “I’m so damn sorry,” the former said again, pulling Eren in by the collar of his shirt so that their lips collided a second time. After getting most of what he could out of this intimacy, Levi’s lips parted to allow Eren’s tongue to find its way into the raven’s mouth. From there, a fire had been ignited between them which wouldn’t burn out.

In between kisses, they found their way to Levi’s room, stumbling inside as Eren’s hands roamed over Levi’s body, and the latter’s hands snaked their way into Eren’s hair. Eren pressed him against the door and tilted Levi’s head to the side, kissing and sucking on his neck with fervor, hungry with want and the desire to make up for lost time. Meanwhile, his left hand traveled down Levi’s torso and underneath his shirt to touch his pale skin, and his right hand moved in the same direction, only to grab at Levi’s waist and pull them impossibly closer to one another. Sensitive to these new touches, Levi’s eyes rolled back into his head, a soft, wanton moan escaping his lips as he felt the desire curling low in his stomach. The soft caresses against his skin were electrifying.

Eren moved away all too soon, and Levi reached out to pull him back until he let his head fall and looked straight at Eren to see him removing his own clothing right there in the middle of the room, and Levi was at a loss for words as his mouth went dry and his eyes locked onto Eren’s tanned torso after he had stripped off his shirt. Next were his shoes and socks, and then he moved to take off his pants as well, but upon noticing that Levi was simply staring at him with wide eyes, Eren helped him remove his shirt too. Following this task, more clothes were peeled off and tossed aside as they made their way to the bed, Levi reluctant to get fully naked at first until Eren kissed him sweetly, ran his fingers through Levi’s hair and told him in a low register that it was alright to be nervous but he’d  _ love  _ to see all of him. Levi only nodded, and Eren took this as permission to use his rough but skilled fingers to slide the other’s underwear down and off of him completely. To be fair, Eren did the same to himself, and Levi seemed to relax then, but Eren also caught the look of absolute desperation on Levi’s face, like he needed Eren to do  _ something  _ to him right that instant or he’d pass out. Sure enough, Levi voiced something entirely similar a few seconds later, and Eren got to work immediately.

The kisses he planted all along the captain’s collarbone and down his chest served them well as a gateway to the hickeys he would leave on his second journey across the pale expanses of flesh. The gasps and breathy moans Levi made, so pretty and real, spurred Eren on further as he made his way lower and lower with the kisses, licking sensually over Levi’s hips and thighs. “You’re gorgeous,” Eren whispered against his skin. Once, Levi reached down and tugged on Eren’s hair, bringing him back up and silencing his own noises by smashing their lips together. Eren made sure to hold himself up on his arms, but he let some of his weight press onto Levi, specifically the lower halves of their bodies making blissful contact which had Levi breaking the kiss and begging Eren to give him  _ everything. _

For a solid minute, Eren did nothing but ask Levi repeatedly if he was sure, and warn him that it would hurt at first, but Levi cut him off with a stern complaint that  _ yes,  _ he had already asked for it, and that nothing could change his mind because he wanted to give himself away to Eren; he wanted to feel this thing called  _ love  _ in the physical way, and-- _ no,  _ he’s  _ not  _ being sappy, brat.

Eren smirked as he peered down at him with that lustful gaze and took more than enough time to prep him thoroughly, and hearing Levi’s full, loud moan at the moment Eren’s cock began to fill him embarrassingly caused Eren to cease his movements, and when asked why he admitted that he might finish right then if he didn’t have a moment to breathe. Levi laughed at him, he openly  _ laughed,  _ and once Eren had rolled his eyes and kissed Levi to shut him up, he pressed in again and used the hand that wasn’t holding him up to find one of Levi’s and entwine their fingers. Their eye contact was not lost as Eren spent a minute finding an exceptional rhythm, though he did look down eventually to glance at the precum beading at the head of Levi’s flushed cock.

Levi cried out in both pleasure and pain in those first few minutes, but the pain melted away the more he squeezed Eren’s hand and allowed himself to relax, his back arching later on when Eren found his prostate. “I need you!” Levi whined, his free hand coming up to rest at the base of Eren’s skull.

“I’m here baby,” said Eren, thrusting into his lover harder. It was then that he saw the tears forming at the corners of Levi’s eyes, and he wasn’t sure if they were summoned by pain or pure emotion, but he elected to assume the latter, and he said, “Don’t hold them back. You don’t have to mask your feelings in front of me, Levi.” So Levi let the tears fall, and he moaned and cried and screamed Eren’s name as they both gradually came undone. Eren decided to attack his neck with more kisses, and each time he pulled his lips away he whispered things into Levi’s ear while he fucked him. “I love you, you’re mine, don’t you like the way I’m making you feel?”

Levi nodded then and shivered when Eren’s hand wrapped around his cock and began to stroke him in time with his thrusts. Telling him to let go, “Cum for me,  _ Levi, _ ” and the way Eren made the uttering of his name into a beautiful moan was all Levi needed to tip over the edge, Eren following right behind him. And after riding out their highs, Levi received another meaningful kiss and a tired smile before Eren pulled him into his arms and bid him goodnight, both of them falling asleep quickly as the mental note to clean his sheets tomorrow echoed in Levi’s head.

He awoke due to movement next to him in his bed the following morning. Eren was trying to free himself from Levi’s arms without waking him up, which Levi rolled his eyes at as Eren seemed to have failed. The raven felt the opposite of clean, and upon remembering the events of the previous night he knew exactly why, yet he couldn’t bring himself to leave the warmth surrounding him in order to wash up. Thank Eren and the intoxicating comfort he drowned Levi in.

“Hey, it’s almost six,” said Eren quietly. “I have to go back to my room.”

“No,” Levi said, perhaps a bit urgently. “Stay here with me.”

“I’ll have to leave at some point--”

“Shhh,” Levi interrupted, pressing a finger to Eren’s lips to keep him from continuing, “go back to sleep. We have half an hour. You don’t have to go right now.” He buried his face in the crook of Eren’s neck and closed his eyes. “Stay.”


	8. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added a little extra fluff to help mend the would that formed from writing chapter 5. Here you go!

“You seem cheery this morning, Levi,” Erwin observed as he caught him on their way to breakfast with the scouts. “Any particular reason?”

“It’s none of your business, eyebrows,” Levi said, lacking enthusiasm, images of Eren floating around in his head. 

Erwin chuckled and clapped Levi on the shoulder, startling the latter though he managed to hide the reaction. “We’ll see about that.”

Levi stopped walking, Erwin heading down the stairs without him. His hands twitched at his sides, and he struggled to make sense of that statement. “Oi, what do you mean by that? Don’t ignore me!” Sighing, he started up his movements again, quickening his pace to catch up. When he reached the bottom of the staircase, Erwin was nowhere to be seen. “ _ We’ll see about that, _ ” he mocked, shaking his head.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Eren called out from behind him, turning swiftly and planting a kiss on Levi’s forehead. “If you ride with me in one of the horse-drawn carts during the trip today we can hold hands.” He had gone as quickly as he came before Levi could give his answer.

“Tch. Sap.”

-

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?” asked Eren that same morning while sitting across from Armin. He set his spoon down in the bowl, as he had finished eating and now waited for Armin to do the same.

“Sorry, it’s just that I wanted to ask if you could clear up what happened last week,” Armin explained, the topic expected since Eren knew his friend wouldn’t be able to let it go. “You know, when you said that  _ thing  _ about Captain Levi and then after he talked to you you suddenly told me to forget about it...I’m confused.”

Eren tapped his fingers on the table thoughtfully and glanced around the room. No Levi. “I doubt he would want the scouts to know already, or at all,” he mumbled to himself, though speaking up when Armin furrowed his brows. “But I can tell you at least, since you’re my friend.”

“Go ahead,” Armin invited, gesturing back to Eren.

Eren told him, carefully sparing him the details, about the first night he visited Levi, and made sure to keep the explanation as vague as possible in order to protect the captain’s secrets. He told him about his persistence, and the repetition of his visits at night, and then described bitterly the first event of Levi pushing him away. He recalled the admission he had made a week later, denying the presence of pity, and how he and Levi returned to their previous habit of sleeping in the same bed. The majority of the scouts had left by the time he got through his retelling of the Eren-related nightmare, the kiss, the argument and the lonely waiting, and Armin had been so affected by the story that he began to tear up when Eren shared bits and pieces of the speech he gave the night before.

Yes, he left out many details, and he avoided mentioning anything about having sex last night.

He concluded the explanation by confirming that he and Levi are in fact a couple, though it hadn’t been stated between them explicitly. After everything, he could be certain now.

“Captain Levi of all people?” Mikasa chimed in, approaching Eren and Armin. “Don’t you think you could do better than him?”

“Mikasa, you don’t know him like I do. We’re good for each other,” Eren said, desperately hoping that in the future, she would warm up to him; he knew the odds were low. “Wait, does it not bother you two that I’m dating a man?”

“Date whoever you want; gender doesn’t matter to us as long as you treat each other right,” Armin said.

“Eren, if you’re happy, I’ll be happy for you. No matter who you’re with, even though I’m much less than fond of Captain Levi. But if you like him, then why shouldn’t I support you?” Mikasa reasoned.

Armin stood to leave, and Eren did the same. “Thanks guys,” he replied. “Next on the list is finding Armin a girlfriend, yeah?”

The boy in question flushed pink, his eyes darting around the room as though whatever he was about to say next would embarrass him. “Um, Eren, I’m not sure that I’m into girls. I might have to follow in your footsteps,” he confessed sheepishly with a nervous chuckle. Eren threw an arm around his shoulders and laughed with him, exclaiming, “ _ really? _ ”

Mikasa looked off to the side and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “You’re both odd. I’d be happy to have a female partner.”

“Hey, Mikasa, did you mean that?” Jean asked, standing in the doorway. “I mean, you’re still interested in men too, right?”

Levi sauntered into the room and chose to stand no more than a foot behind Eren, who turned quickly to face him as he asked, “What are you all doing standing here? Especially you, Jaeger, get to work. This castle won’t clean itself.”

“You can call me by my first name you know,  _ Levi _ ,” Eren replied, giving the raven a chaste kiss then and there for the others to see. Armin and Mikasa showed no reaction, but Jean’s confused horse face made Levi shiver.

He stepped back. “What are you brats looking at?” he said, referring to Eren’s friends and Jean, as well as Hanji and Erwin, who stared at them through the open door of Erwin’s office. “My order to Eren to get to work was also directed towards the three of you, you know.” He glared at the kids. “Go! This place is  _ filthy! _ ”

Hanji was beaming from inside Erwin’s office. “Ha! I told you he had a thing for Eren! I knew it!”

Erwin shook his head. “ _ No,  _ you only bet that he’s gay, and we can’t know that for sure. It’s a motherfucking spectrum, Hanji, so technically I don’t owe you twenty bucks.”

“Okay, how about this: I bet they’ve already had sex at least once by now,” Hanji suggested.

“That would be a rather bold accusation if it weren’t for the clear evidence in front of us. No need to bet on that; Levi is walking with a slight limp. There, did you just see him wince when he moved?” asked Erwin. Hanji bursted out laughing and walked back into the office to remove themself from the scene.

“You seem like you’re in pain,” Eren said to Levi with a concerned pout. “Did I hurt you?”

“I’m just a bit sore,” Levi answered through gritted teeth. “It’s fine, now stop talking about this shit in front of other people. Even if you think they can’t hear you.”

“How often do you think we’ll have sex? I know we’ll be sleeping in the same bed each night, so based on that what would you--”

“What did I  _ just  _ say?” Levi placed his hands on his hips and gave Eren a disappointed look. “Now go clean, you should have started twenty minutes ago.”

Eren grinned, his expression smug. “Ah, but you won’t do anything if I stand here and keep talking to you. You can’t stay away from me, now that you’ve fallen in love with me.”

In that moment, Levi was thankful that the others had left the room. “Shut up,” he told Eren, but his voice sounded small and he couldn’t make eye contact. Far in the back of his mind, he scolded himself for getting so close to Eren, far too close for comfort. However, this closeness didn’t go without purpose, as Eren  _ is  _ Levi’s comfort now, and maybe he does love him.

As much as that thought of love scares him, Levi still wins in the end.

He’ll be able to sleep tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts, feedback, constructive criticism? I enjoy receiving comments from you lovely people :)  
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
